SORRY

Sorry.

That’s the only word
Would I say.
When I meet you
Someday.

Someday, out of blue,
A slice of luck, comes my way
Be the ray, of hope and faith.

A hope to quell the rain
A hope to see you ‘gain.
A hope to right the wrong.
A hope to play that song.

A song that touched your tender heart,
When we felt the same moonbeam, last.
Those strings of melodies,
That sublime, yet ritzy riff.

Sorry.

For those galling and gloomy times
And I still hate those crimes.
Could one be so naïve?

Sorry.

For wasting your time
In your days of prime
How am I so late?

Forgiveness is a thing bygone
Destined to be lost and lorn
Forever and ever, in a world so cruel
Lost my cool, see I’m lost in rules.

Sorry.

Life is worthier than I’d thought.
That day is never lost, on me.
I was so wrong, a moron, in letting fly those things
The exodus of emotion, was way above the sink.

The worst mistake, I’ve ever made
I know it must be hard to take,
Sorry isn’t enough mate.

Still, Sorry.

Just a word that makes
Perfect sense, another day
When you living out those moments,
Of love and grace.

Now?
Sorry,

Not a word anymore
That stirs your soul
It’s all just cold
It’s all just cold.

Doesn’t matter.
‘Coz as much I try
Turn your feelings, so wry
You know?
I just need a cry.

Sorry.

For saying I love you
For saying way early too
For making the 12’o clock, in your face
For breaking your faith thru disgrace

Sorry.

For being a whiny child
Over obstacles so placid
For the dawn, on a sombre note,
Our journey of friendship.

Remember? We used to say each other
‘Best friend’ you’re mine, ‘Friend forever’ I’m yours
But time spares nothing
It erodes the best of things
You refuse to ever hear me again
I carry that arcane shock and pain.

I know it’s destiny
Never imagined, blunders cost so much
I was having the time of my life, with you
In a moment it all got broken and crushed.

Sorry.

For being layers behind my phone screen
Underneath those walls of lies that floats in
In the virtual world of social network
The demons of delusion seeps within.

If we come ‘cross sometime
I would say, don’t love me.
Just be my friend and bring back the rain
Fill this vivid void, create that charm again,
Which went missin’ with you.

Though I know, It’s a distant wish, now
Which’s never gonna be true
‘Coz I‘ve broken the rule, somehow
In moments so unfortunate, I’d rue.

I’m Sorry.

‘Coz I still ‘member you
Couldn’t brush off you
From my thoughts and dreams.

I’m Sorry.

For I still recollect some things
You love black not green
I hope you recall mine,
Though,
Doesn’t matter at this time
As black, the new orange for me.

That day, still come so vivid
I was down on my knees
On the terrace of my home
Staring at the phone.

Shell shocked and jaded
The whispers within my head,
You said some things right
Still you pushed me aside
Out of your mind,
Out of your life.

The tears just choked inside my eyes
I couldn’t let it all flow out
I just knew one thing by that time
One dream died before it sprout.

I just went back to bed, never cried
‘Coz you made me believe, we don’t cry
It’s an exclusive right of yours
Rational as you’re, still it flows.

Admired that rationality, adored that humility
Just wanted to be part of her beautiful life
A heart as pure, a bond so divine
Just cut the thread of it with an obsessive knife.
So Sorry.

You know what? Still I never said die
‘Coz I want to see more sun rises
And walk the steps of your advices.

I don’t become sad, I don’t lose my heart, anymore
I don’t look at the past, I promise it will last, forever.

Sorry.

For talking too much, you were kind
About that futile search, I was blind
Of a person so worthless.
‘Coz one with the worth, is you
Friends and fairies, no dearth for you.

You’re the one with countless traits,
Veiled inside, yet shines through your face.

You come, you go
You stay inside my soul.
The warmth of your heart
The cheer of our past.

At last, I cried,
After how many times, I tried.

That realization hit the cores of my soul
I need to sustain the drive, to my goal.

All I wanted is this chance
The Almighty conspired to provide it
As I came close though
The destiny kicked in, erased it. All.

Still I dream of it
A wish that might come true, someday,
As I traverse my path through life
Know what I want to do? One day.

I just want to go there someday
As I am standing in front of you,
Just a smile and a nod of your lashes
I will treasure that moment,
Forever,
With you.

Conscientious Existence

                       CONSCIENTIOUS EXISTENCE

She was. She is. She always will be. But she isn't all the same. Yeah, time changes, people change with it. But some change for better. And some become worse off. But amazingly, she seemed to change for no apparent reason. And she still seems to adjust for no apparent reason. It was inevitable according to her. It was the obvious thing for her. To constantly evolve her among the various echelons of our culture, the good old Indian tradition. And it used to be a matter of privilege for every girl, to imbibe in her, the ethics and etiquette of socially acceptable norms and supposedly spiritually fulfilling life. 

And like in the case of any normal sane Indian family, sans cosmopolitans, she is the epitome of our success and well being in general. The relentless approach, a tireless job and deriving happiness from everyone happiness are such admirable traits, yet in-discernibly underrated. 

She spent her entire childhood, enjoying one of the most spectacular lives, the life of a carefree child, who is as comfortable in her urban confinements, as in the rural fields. Who didn't mind sharing their time with sibling and cousins, plenty of them are there. And growing up was fun. What if the mother was a bit strict, “let's head to college!” were some of the instantaneous reactions. And college too was one hell lot of a fun for her. New friends became good friends, good friends became best friends & best friends became friends for life. And the religiousness with which they entretenir their friendship, is a great example of the values she has earned from her childhood and which serves her in good stead till now.

The life full of sweetness and innocent mischievousness conspired to transform itself into a long, endless trail of heightened wisdom and responsibilities. That elevation of her simple, carefree life, gratified her to oblige to the demands of the new role of her existence. Really, our life is like that. And as Shakespeare once said, it's a stage on which we play various roles and show varied emotions to underline the antics of our current character. And she transitioned smoothly from a happy go lucky college goer to a responsible bride, still possessing the naivety and anxiety of a teenager, though slowly developing into a mature head. Still her innocent charm and a zeal for shouldering the burden of an entire household. 

And since then, she never shied away from those responsibilities. Those tireless hours of seemingly unending work, day in day out, were gradually taking a toll on her. Still, she never complained, completely content with her job. A job with no payments, no perks, no holidays, no status. But a job of immense value, sheer hard work and some ingenuine management skills, of which even an MBA holder would be proud of. All her world was now comprised of her family, the family she originated from, to the family she stepped into. 

And few years down the line, her greatest and most valuable possession are her endearing partner and her kid, the kid she had brought into existence and nurtured him to grow.

And then started a life. A life full of selfless service and sacrifice of her own whims and wishes. A sacrifice of her priorities, to prioritize her family. And gradually she became a super efficient human machine. A machine, as multitasking as you will ever see. 

It was inevitable. It was destined to be like that for her. Was it so? At least she thinks it was. And contrary to have regrets of losing that freedom of childhood and a seemingly boring job to do, she feels absolutely at peace with it. In fact she derives all her happiness from this supposedly dreary and drab routine. 

And she is proud of being a mother. A mother of a boy, who according to her has given enough reasons of pride and happiness. But that doesn't stop her from expecting more. Expecting more from his abilities. All she wants is taking as much care of her better half and her son. That's all she loves. That's all she wants.

She changed for no apparent reason.

                                                                                                                    

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                            -GEET BEHERA